Keep the Faith


Easier said than done, am I right? Can I get an Amen? 

Really though, it’s easy to say, “hey, chin up, keep the faith”, to someone when they’re going through a tough situation. But is that ever really what we want to hear? We may not always want to hear it, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

What I’ve found is that keeping the faith is all that’s gotten me through some of the rougher patches life has thrown my way. When we feel like we have nothing left, about the only thing that will get us through is faith. Faith that one day life will feel better again. Faith that the deep feelings of despair, depression, isolation, loneliness, and so on will one day fade to a distant memory. Faith that even the obstacles will make us stronger. Faith that with time and distance all wounds will heal. Faith. Faith. Faith.

It’s funny how things work out when you look back. As I began the journey of writing my first book, I so cleverly titled “Faith Walk”, I never imagined God would put me through some inner trials to truly learn what real faith is. But you see what I’ve learned is that you get what you ask for. I wanted to understand faith and the only way for me to do that was to experience it firsthand. Faith led me home. To myself. My dark night of the soul began somewhere between picking my life up and moving over 500 miles away from the only life I’d ever known and finding myself returning back where I started only this time with more acceptance of who I really am. Faith is what got me out the door in the morning when the only thing I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and not face the world again after feeling like my dreams vanished before my eyes. Faith is what told me to keep going even when I felt like I failed miserably at my first attempt to go into business for myself or when I came running home after a failed attempt to live in another city in another state on my faith that it was where I was meant to be. I’ll never forget that deep feeling of “failure”and despair that only faith would tell me would subside eventually. During my faith walk I realized that failure doesn’t truly exist. I swear us humans make failure up as a way to punish ourselves for making choices we thought were right but not ending up as we hoped. What I did learn instead is that there is no such thing as failure. There is only learning, wisdom and growth. And finally, faith is what led me to God. And understanding we must first experience before we can teach.

One evening not all that long ago, as I lay in savasana after a yoga class intending to find my inner zen, I told God I hadn’t heard from Him in awhile, and I’d really like to. There between my deep, relaxing breaths, I heard, “Angie, Faith is believing even when there is no evidence.”

Oh yes, of course, evidence doesn’t come before faith. In that moment, I knew the dreams I once carried were still my dreams. Nothing had changed except for my faith. It was all still possible. Just because it wasn’t happening in my timing didn’t mean it wasn’t going to. As, I sat there in my yoga class taking a few last deep breaths, in and out, I could exhale a little deeper. Knowing that building my faith was the biggest part of my journey all along. It wasn’t about building a new life in a new city and a new business to go along with it. It never was. It was always about building my faith even when there was no evidence that I should remain faithful. All of the things I longed for, the business I so desperately wanted to build, the book I longingly wanted to muster up the courage to finish, the people I wanted to meet along my journey, the ones I envisioned I would help and the ones that would help me. The life I longed to live. They were always going to come after I built my faith. Not before. And in that moment, after months of feeling depressed and directionless, I knew it was all still possible. One day I would no longer be stuck. The gates would open wide for me once again for my spirit to roam free. And it has. All I had to do was keep the faith.

If you were like me and you knew you had a purpose and it hasn’t come to pass yet, remember it is still possible. Work on building your faith and watch what faith can do.

To All The Brokenhearted

HealingHandsI love the work I do. The reiki, the readings, the mending of the broken hearts.

You see, we are all brokenhearted about something. Something that was painful. Something that didn’t go the way we had hoped. Something we find it unbearable to let go of. Something that came along our path that caught us completely off guard and knocked the wind right out of our sail.

The relationship that went south, the baby that didn’t make it to full term to see the light of day, the deep sting of death and the grief that follows, the child who is suffering in silence, the depression that is unrelenting, the job that didn’t pan out, the dream that hasn’t come to fruition, the absent parent, illness and the list goes on and on. But you get the point. We all have things. Things that we would rather avoid or better yet never have to experience in the first place.

Well, to all my brokenhearted friends out there in the world, know that you are not alone in your suffering. There are people who care and understand the weight of the load you’re carrying. You are never alone. You are so loved by all of the stars in the sky that shine upon the infinite, divine being that is you. You matter. We all matter. The pain will lessen. The strong grip it has around your neck will subside and you will be able to breathe deeply once more. Healing is not only possible but it is a gift waiting on the other side of the pain.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

spiritual expWhat happens when the ground gives out underneath us? When the foundation we’ve been walking on begins to crack and the only way to survive is to allow it to happen? What do we do when we no longer want to skip from safe space to safe space and instead want to look into the crevice to see what lie beneath the only life we’ve ever known?

The cracks in our lives are trying to give way to something new. Something deeper, something ultimately better. The cracks can be a scary place at first until we come to understand they are making way to our real selves to emerge.

How do we know when authenticity comes knocking? I’ve found it usually begins somewhere between a longing for more and when the path we are walking on doesn’t feel like our own anymore.

This is how I felt over seven years ago when I awoke as one person and went to bed another. Those twenty-four hours were life changing in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I lost my dad that day. The experiences, roads, the twists and turns that journey would take me on led to a deeper me. I could have chosen to skip from safe space to safe space with this new found crack in my foundation but instead I chose to look in wonder at each crack. Sometimes finding myself so far down in one of those cracks that I had to find the strength to climb my way out. But with each new crack I discovered I was as equally determined to build a new foundation. One that felt like me, that felt like my own. Soon after my dad’s passing, feeling the deepest yearning of my life, I set out on a quest to discover for myself where he went. And in turn where we all go after we are no longer in our bodies. I’d thought of similar questions in the past but now I had more skin in the game.

Being the stubborn girl I am, at twenty-nine years old, I was not willing to live the rest of my life without my connection to my dad. This pursuit led me in many different directions with each path leading me further down the road to my own beliefs. I’ll never forget the ache in my heart realizing I would never see my dad again. But something in me told me to keep going, to not give up on this notion, somewhere inside knowing we could still be together if only in a different way. Today I am so glad I didn’t throw in the towel.

Instead I went to spiritual gurus, mediums and readers all in the name of finding my own truth and my dad again. Each time a medium would connect me to my dad’s spirit, especially in those early days after his passing, I would leave with a renewed sense of love and connection with him. My longing and grief would subside for a moment sometimes only long enough for me to feel alive again. I knew it was a strong and true connection when during the reading I would get “God bumps” throughout my entire body sometimes from head to toe. Simply put it gave me hope during the darkest days of my grief.

During those early days of pursuing a connection with my dad’s spirit I never would have imagined it would lead me to being able to communicate with him and other spirits myself. I assumed I had to look outside of myself for that kind of connection. Boy was I wrong. I had gotten used to knowing when my dad was around or noticing the signs he would send me as a “hello, I’m with you”. What God had in store for me was much more than I ever could have imagined. The further I grew in my faith, the more I believed in the spirit world, the closer I got to opening up to my own gifts.

Something profound happened in my life during this search. I began opening up to my own gifts, my own calling, my own connection with the spirit world understanding it really is just a thin veil from our side to theirs.

Fast forward seven years later, seven years of soul searching, self reflection, meaningful prayer and spiritual practice. I have always “known” things or had “intuition” about people and events but the flood gates really opened upon getting reiki attuned several months ago. My spiritual gifts have become heightened. I know when my dad comes to me, I’ve felt him near since he’s passed, but now it’s opened up to other spirits as well. My grandma who I absolutely adored in life is now a constant presence in my life guiding me down my path. Not only do I know they are around but I’m now having message “downloads” given to me from them. And it’s beautiful. Throw in a couple of other spirits coming to me and you’ve pretty much caught up with my journey. But the thing that has changed recently is my acceptance of the gift. It took me time to believe in myself, to trust myself.

This past Sunday was a significant day in my life. I did medium work for close relatives validating information only they would know about their loved one. I gave them messages they needed to hear and it changed everything for me. It made me fulfilled. It gave me hope. It gave them hope and some closure. And it all finally clicked. Instead of fighting our gifts God wants us to own them, to shout them from the rooftops and in the shouting he wants us to open ourselves up to helping others.

This brings me to today. I’m sharing my gifts. I’m putting myself out there authentically. I talk to dead people ☺ Not in the sixth sense scary kind of way. But in the hope, love, validation, there is life after our time on this earth ceases kind of way. We all have the ability to connect to your loved ones on the other side. I’ve never been afraid of death. I’ve always loved helping people through their grief. It is an absolute honor and privilege to sit with people who are near death to ease their transition from this life to the next. But it’s even more of a gift to continue our relationship with them even after their “gone”. All that truly separates us from them is a very thin veil. One that I believe is thinning all the time.

To wrap things up, the moral of my story is to be yourself. I ordered new business cards this week. I added medium to my list of services. This may seem like a small thing to some but for me it is huge. It is my coming out of sorts. I communicate with the other side and I couldn’t feel more blessed that God gave me this gift. The only difference is now I no longer want to hoard it all to myself out of fear of what others will think. I instead want to share it with the world.

As I close this post this thought comes to mind. God will show us who we are but we have to be willing to go where He wants to take us. Where is God guiding you to go? I promise you He will take you places you never imagined all you have to do is believe. Don’t be afraid of who God made you to be. Be proud instead. Stop fighting your gifts and embrace them.

An Old Friend

heartThey say time heals all wounds. But they never mention the fact that you have to be the one to stop picking them. I’ve had my fair share of wounds. Haven’t we all? There will be some wounds that cut so deep it seems there will never be a bandage big enough to make you whole again. As if there is a big gapping hole with a pool of blood swimming around it keeping it from closing up naturally on its own. These are the wounds that take effort to acknowledge the depth of the hurt, forgive a million times if need be but will eventually in the end make you stronger and wiser.

Some wounds are more painful than others. We hold onto them out of fear of who we would be without them. How would we define ourselves if we decided to let the wound go at all costs? We can become addicted to our wounds. We can categorize our lives by them. Clinging to them way past their expiration date. But what if it is true that with time, trust, and a dash of patience God heals all wounds? Instead of looking at the wound as making us less than we can look at the wound as a reminder to live more supple lives and to show us how our imperfect lives affect ourselves and others. Maybe then we are able to show more compassion to others through the bleeding of our own trials. The chains would all but disappear.

There will come a day for each of us when we get serious about healing. When the weight of the wound has taken its toll on our lives. When we are less interested in making someone else wrong and more interested in hope, joy, and living more life. When this day comes we also get serious about letting go of all attachments to the wound. Whether that means letting go of old relationships, habits, fears, doubts or whatever is holding us back from freedom. The thing about freedom is it usually doesn’t come by accident. To heal we must allow ourselves to feel the hurt, let the pain rear it’s ugly head and breathe it out knowing we can do the work because we deserve to live without the pain. If you’re caught up in replaying an old story know that you’ll find the way to freedom once again if only little by little. But it’s a choice. One that is worth making. And the best part is when we’re ready, God will meet us there.